The Modern-Day Librarian

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To the tune of "The Modern Major-General" from Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert & Sullivan

I am the very model of a modern-day librarian!
Iíve information marvelous on books quite antiquarian.
I know the dates of when they printed all the incunabula,
and facts on plants and animals that really were mere fabula.

Iím very well acquainted, too, with matters quite botanical,
I know the herbals printed, both the English and Germanical.
About binomial naming I am teeming with a lot of news,
with many cheerful facts about the species of the fleur-de-lis.

(With many cheerful facts about the species of the fleur-de-lis,
with many cheerful facts about the species of the fleur-de-lis,
with many cheerful facts about the species of the fleur-, the fleur-de-lis!)

Iím very good at showing off my knowledge of the printerís craft.
I know the way to tell an over-colored chromolithograph.
In short, in bibliography of objects antiquarian,
I am the very model of a modern-day librarian!

(In short, in bibliography of objects antiquarian,
she is the very model of a modern-day librarian)

I know which herbal remedies were cribbed from which old manuscripts
And all the ins and outs there are of esoteric scholarship.
I know a quarter-leather from a wrapper and a clamshell box,
and even know the nut case works, which seem to be unorthodox.
And I can tell a foxing book and send it to the bindery
I know such bibliography that no one can purblinder me
And I can tell a woodblock work of which Iíve seen the print before.
In signature analysis I claim none as my superior.

(In signature analysis she claims none as her superior,
in signature analysis she claims none as her superior,
in signature she claims none as her superi-erior!)

Then I can tell a xerographic copy from diazo prints;
and if a plateís hand-colored and if so by which assorted tints.
In short, in bibliography of objects antiquarian,
I am the very model of a modern-day librarian!

(In short, in bibliography of objects antiquarian
she is the very model of a modern-day librarian)

In fact, when I know what is mean by ďMARC TagsĒ and ďa SCSI diskĒ;
when I can tell at sight an 049 field from a dropdown list;
when such affairs as backups and releases Iím more wary at,
and when I know precisely what is meant by ďsyntax error atĒ;
when I have learnt what progress has been made in modern libraries,
when I know more of networks than a group of hacker wannabes;
in short, when Iíve a smattering of knowledge of OCLC,
youíll say a better Small Gray Cat has never, ever pressed a key.

(weíll say a better Small Gray Cat has never, ever pressed a key,
weíll say a better Small Gray Cat has never, ever pressed a key,
weíll say a better Small Gray Cat has never, ever, pressed a, pressed a key)

For my technicalic knowledge, though I am accused of perjury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of last century.
But still, in bibliography of objects antiquarian,
I am the very model of a modern-day librarian!

(But still in bibliography, of objects antiquarian,
she is the very model of a modern-day librarian!
)

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Last modified: May 14, 2011